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About Separation - Divorce Mediation
Did you know that statistics indicate that almost 50% of married couples will end up divorced. It is no wonder, given that the stressors of marital expectations can be overwhelming and unrealistic that people will stay together for the rest of their lives. Statistics also indicate that the likelihood of second marital “success” is even poorer due to rebounding, but that by the third marriage the success rates are very high in terms of durability! Additionally, statistics indicate that the younger the couple, the earlier and more likely they will get divorced before 10 years. We all know that divorce is especially difficult for kids. Divorce can have a traumatic impact on adults, whereby you may suffer an adjustment disturbance that can for some take as many as 4 years to totally recover emotionally. Moreover, the mental, emotional and physical disruption that separation and divorce can have on individuals and families is, I think you agree extremely minimized in society.
From a social justice perspective, it is simply not fair that so many single parent families are led by women who suffer role overload often at their own expense. As well, children need their fathers, just as much as fathers need them. It is a shame that fathers who are so often isolated and marginalized will then suffer greatly under the strain of the divorce fall out, causing long time addiction and mental health problems. Divorce can have a negative impact on the extended family as well, causing family feuds which are also not by any means in the best interests of children or ageing grandparents either. It is well established that children that come from divorced families where there is high conflict and ill will among care givers, tend to suffer much more in terms of their mental health when they become adults. Mediation can greatly help this from not having to happen later on, as cooperation in conflict is learned through social modelling of parents by their children.
Mediation is a much more reasonable manner of resolving conflict disputes either to bring about family reconciliation or to better find the best agreements that can suit all involved once separation and or divorce are inevitable. Also, should you find that there is no other way to find a satisfactory arrangement except through divorce, you can easily get a divorce and then after your divorce application has gone through you can find the most economical way to draw up a mediated agreement with my services that are clearly delineated and satisfactory for both divorcees and for the family involved. Also, you are often better to work toward a mediated settlement and agreement during the period of separation so that you can spare yourself any future discord and stress. Any attempt to resolve your disputes through mediation can often times be therapeutic itself.
Family assessment involves a thorough assessment of your family constellation, structural functioning and family alignment and discordance and what you can do about raising the quality of your family life.
Assessment is usually on the basis of clients wanting to find the most suitable means to better family functioning. Family Assessments are most objective when all the family members are able to involve themselves in the assessment process. Though it is not always necessary to have all family members participate, as this is not always possible. Sometimes the aspirations of various family members are in discord with one another or family patterns of behaviour and belief systems and certain relationship alliances within the structure of the 'family' have become fixed.
A Comprehensive Family Assessment can greatly help you to determine how to recreate a better family environment whereby all the family members have each others best interests in mind and where family member’s aspirations are no longer in conflict, but rather aligned with one another.
MARITAL AND FAMILY RECONCILIATION SERVICES
Marital & Family Reconciliation involves a process of finding practical ways of rejuvenating relationships in a marriage and/or a family that have become stuck in negativity or have lost their inherent purpose. It is specifically for families or couples that have fallen apart or have broken down, that have been experiencing separation. It is for those who do not really want to go down the road of relationship, marital or family break up in a permanent way and want to make a real effort to heal the emotional wounds and put the pieces back together again. Reconciliation means that we find a common aim in finding real solutions to uniting the differences that have led to our conflicts and separation. Sometimes we have expectations of each other and of ourselves that are at odds with what is really possible and this can result in a breakdown. Many times couples and families are unable to see how it is possible to heal the emotional wounds that have brought about an impasse or patterns of relating that simply cause more unnecessary upset. Through a process of establishing greater mutuality and agreement about what couples and families really want and need from one another it is possible to re-establish the sense of union and joy that brought them together in the first place.
Pre-Mediation is sometimes necessary as couples or a family is not really emotionally ready to engage in direct resolution of the kind of conflicts or difficulties they are having with the partner they are separating, or divorcing, or with the family member that they are experiencing an impasse. Pre-mediation is a process that involves getting those who need to find a positive agreement ready to negotiate with one another. Sometimes people who had been in a couple relationship are for a variety of reasons simply not ready to communicate by being with each other and the mediator in the same room. Issues of separation adjustment, altered sense of self, betrayal, entitlement and emotional injustice can all contribute to a stuck state where it becomes no longer possible to move forward in any negotiation process. Pre-mediation is a process that has been shown to be very successful in getting couples that do not get along, ready and able to communicate in a respectful way with one another. After a successful course of pre-mediation you can quickly and economically draw up up durable agreements with the professional assistance of the mediator in order to resolve your disputes and then maintain the optimal functioning of the family again in whatever new form it must now take.
Often the process of pre-mediation is brief, unless there are more deep-seated issues that are curtailing the process of actual Family Mediation and then Divorce Therapy is required. Divorce therapy can be necessary for those who feel that the emotional wounds of their separation or divorce is interfering with their emotional well being. Separation and Divorce are often more painful than many people would like to accept and can even be more difficult to process emotionally, mentally and physically than even losing a loved one who has passed away.
Let’s face it, the process of separation and divorce can be exhausting and it has been shown that it can take as many as 4 years to recover, yet often there is no one there for you to support you through the process. Certainly, employers and even often friends at the best of times simply think it is time for you to “move on” or “just get over it!” However, that is not usually so simple or even reality-based is it? Separation and Divorce require a great deal of adjustment and you and your family may need to consider Separation Divorce Adjustment Counselling and Therapy to help you deal with the emotional fall out from divorce and separation for you and your children. Divorce can cause all kinds of other related problems and you may need help to learn how to better cope with the crazy time you may be experiencing.
If you want to get the most you can in terms of bringing your life back on track and finding a more satisfying life as soon as is possible then contact me for an initial consult.
SEPARATION AND DIVORCE MEDIATION ASSESSMENTS AND AGREEMENTS
Mediation is a form of dispute resolution that is much more cost effective then going to court and having the legal system drain your bank account, taking much needed money away from you and your children as well. Often times the adversarial approach with lawyers is one that will push you into debt by persuading you that a high conflict ridden process will best get you what you are entitled. The problem is that once you go down such a route then it is difficult to change your mind, as you may not realize that you are in for more than you had bargained for in many more ways then simply emptying out your pockets!
An alternative way of finding solid and long lasting agreement arrangements with your ex- partner and family that you have decided to separate or to divorce are the excellent services that I provide. My mediation services are a more reasonable means of resolving disputes as I consciously help you to strategically de-escalate what was once a conflict ridden “process.” Moreover, the mediation services I offer are much more satisfying emotionally in that as a process of dispute resolution they actively satisfy all parties involved without causing further emotional disruption to your life and costs substantially less.
Mediation is also better for your health and well being, as it is a substantially more peaceful approach. Additionally, children have been shown to be happier and more emotionally stable when their parents are willing to make every effort to form practical alliances with one another, that support the best interests of the children for their optimal development.
If you are interested in coming in for an initial consult contact me. A Mediation Assessment involves determining what factors in your changing relationship require stabilization and agreement such that you yourself have not yet been able to resolve with your (ex) wife or (ex) husband.
Agreements are usually written after a process of Mediation which may or may not be combined with Pre-Mediation Readiness Sessions. The following are just some of the mediation matters that you may choose to resolve:
Custody & Access of Children
Child Support Arrangements
Extended & Blended Family Involvement
Other Matters not listed here.
Service Provision Fee: $250. per consult session couple or family
Written Agreements are privileged and cost is agreed upon client consent
Working Draft Mediation Proposals as are telephone consults,etc. are billed and included
WRITTEN MEDIATION AGREEMENT
Written Mediation Agreements are privileged, (not for the use of any party in a court of law), unless otherwise agreed upon by the clients involved and the mediator. Services are billed accordingly to the nature of the resolution obtained and/or length and complexity of any working draft proposal or final written agreement. Such agreements are at the direction, determination, discretion of you and your separated partner or divorcee. These can comprise custody and access arrangements, residential arrangements, finances regarding support, property and any other issues that you determine and are considered reasonable for mediation. You are as actively involved or not as you wish in the draft proposal process and with my guidance you are able to decide on the final written and witnessed
Skype - david.rockman3